Blogging has been difficult. I’ve sat here so many times this week trying to formulate some sort of half-hearted delusion of eloquence. Ever since Father’s Day it seems that any entry I put in The Love Story is dim, meaningless and void of connection. I’ve been through many things in my seventeen years of life, but all of them seemed dwarfed in comparison to the battle that’s been going on within myself. In my introversion I realize that a 12 year old girl has completely turned everything upside down for me. My business plans, my life plans, even my relationships have changed. It’s been a ripple effect from my professional life into the deepest parts of my soul.

“The pressure in her brain is increasing.” her father said to me this evening, “Its causing her more pain and will eventually stop her heart without intervention from God.”

I’ve been thinking much of miracles these passing days. My mind wanders, even when I’m doing menial tasks throughout the day. I become more and more aware of the naive nature that embodies the human race, of the lack  or illusion of comprehension that can either drive one to humility or a state of permanent doubt and unbelief. With every question I ask myself, I find dozens more that need to to be answered, though I find that no answer exists…only vague solutions or opinions. I digress now on all my thoughts, for were I to write them all here I would keep myself up late into the night.

Without Cheyenne, without a 12 year old girl with stage 4 cancer, where would I be? And why, oh why, did it take her to change me, to open my eyes more to the world. You can’t thank someone for something like that. You can’t sit down beside them and say “Your pain has brought me a revelation.” Instead you sit at your computer at 11:22 on a Tuesday night feeling selfish for feeling grateful for a start, for a new direction. But then you think to yourself…

“how selfish would it be if I did absolutely nothing?”

Whatever you do…just do something.